Day One and Day Two

So I tried to convince myself that I would log onto this blog every single day and record my progress. Yeah, right! I missed Day One of the damn diet. So yesterday and today will be combined into one blog.

Day One:
192.8lbs
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling excited and ready to begin. I jumped out of bed after Jay went to work and ran to get the HCG drops. I did the recommended 10 drops before any water or food consumption. I washed my hair and began to pump myself up. I even said aloud, "it is going to work this time". I took a Phentermine before I left the house, I know it's sort of cheating, but I thought I may need it to curb the hunger. I spent most of my busy morning trying to keep drinking water. I wasn't even hungry until around 11am. I held off until I got home for lunch. I had grilled chicken strips and salad without dressing. It was actually ok, and I was surprisingly full. At 4pm I had a Gala apple. Now, dinner time is where I have to exert real effort. We are used to doing the lazy thing like ordering pizza or going out. I made chicken and asparagus. The chicken was great. The only carbs I am consuming are 2 Melba toasts at the most. Not Much!!!! Last night while trying to fall asleep, my stomach growled like a bear, but I just keep saying, "it's going to work". It just has to.

Day Two:
190.8lbs
I woke up at 5am. When I am waking up at 5am something is definitely different. I didn't actually get out of the bed because Jay was lounging but I felt like I could have. I felt a bit better. Lighter. I immediately got out of bed and took my drops then drank 16oz of water. I did feel pretty hungry but I drank water until the sensation went away. Is this good for you? Probably not. But I just don't seem to care. I think I have just bought into this method and I choose to believe it.  Now, the diet book says to weigh daily and states that normal results are .5-1lbs lost per day. If the scales aren't lying, I lost 2lbs since yesterday morning. I don't know if it is coincidence or diet but I like it. Tonight I fixed Tilapia and spinach. I am sure this is what I will be eating over the green salad tomorrow. Who knows. I will write tomorrow.

HCG Loading Phase

One of the sales people that comes to my office has convinced me through her own success that I could succeed in this constant battle waging against my weight by joining her in doing the HCG diet. I had heard and read so many details on the internet about the diet after my cousin sent me an example food plan around a month ago. I kept telling myself that I couldn't do it, but I kept looking at it. All those people raved about all the successes and how this was the only diet that worked for them. The more I puzzled over it I decided that it was probably a sound idea. Then Angel, the sales person, mentioned that she had lost 17lbs in 8 days and I was sold on the idea of trying. I know that I have tried and failed in the past but I felt that I should just give it real effort. The driving push behind all of it was that my best friend and her finance set a wedding date. I cried. And realized that I refused to look like a damn cow at her wedding. She is a tall beautiful blonde and I can't stand up there next to her looking like I weigh 200lbs, which I do. Almost...
Back to the diet - the instructions are as follows;
The first two days are called the "loading phase"
-These two days are suppose to help you load up on fatty foods so that you have energy to get you through the next few days while adjusting to an extremely low calorie diet.
It has been extremely strange for me because for the last few months I have been trying not to eat these types of foods and it was an experience. For the most part, I have been making myself eat peanuts and junk food. I ate Wendy's today for lunch and I got so very sick. So I know that this phase was suppose to be the fun stage, but I truly haven't enjoyed it all that much.

Doughnut Hell

For the first several years the DME company reps never came to visit me at work with all their fake smiles and goodies. Now, for some unknown reason, they have begun to come by and provide me and Becca with wonderful sweets. Today it was doughnuts! It's one of those things that I can barely resist and today I couldn't at all. Three doughnuts in, and I feel like crap. I logged my calories for the day and am dreading the workout that needs to follow this incident.

I have begun to go back through my C25K workouts so that I can get the benefit of sprinting which as I have been told is a good way to lose weight. I don't know if I am getting a full workout with the elliptical machine only. I talked with a friend on facebook today that said that she has lost almost 2 pants sizes by doing a ton of cardio. She spends 28 minutes on the elliptical machine, 30 minutes on the bike, and 2 miles on the treadmill. I think that if I could try and pump up the cardio I may lose some much needed weight. I have been tracking my calories via myfitnesspal.com, however; I have re-opened my daily burn account too. I am hoping that between two websites that I can get some progress made.

I am also considering the C25K GPS feature so that I can attempt to run outside. I am terrified to even break out of the comfort of our office to get that walk/run in. I will think on this and let you know later.

Meanwhile, I am sitting here watching Dexter and able to smell the doughnuts from my desk. Doughnut Hell.

Anxiety Doused in Margarita

During the course of this weekend, my "sister-n-law", Kasey, asked to assist in my dreaded shopping trip. At first I drug my feet knowing that it would be difficult to go shopping with a skinny bitch, but Saturday afternoon I caved and decided I would go. She took me to Gordman's which is always a fun place to get jewelry, picture frames, shoes, and little purses. They do carry clothing, but I can never seem to fit into ANYTHING at all that is in there.
After the grueling anxiety that no one seems to understands was doused in Margaritas, we went on with the journey. I went straight to the dress pant section, grabbed a rather large size of pants, and headed to the dressing room where I broke out in hives after trying to get them on. You guessed it, they wouldn't zip up. I had took a breath, and yanked them off and basically ran out of the dressing room. When I looked up, Kasey was looking right at me saying something about the fact that she had been looking for me for a little while. She had an arm full of shirts and was super excited, but I was done and I told her so at that moment. I found one pair of earrings that I liked and that was the only thing purchased. Kasey drove us over to the mall and the overwhelming crowds of cars were daunting. I didn't want to go in. I think she finally realized that I was finished with this. Hopefully she wasn't too upset, but I think she have been. Who knows? I just couldn't handle it. All I kept thinking was the I wasn't getting anything accomplished, whether it be finding an outfit for a wedding/Easter or cleaning my house. The other blaring thought was that bigger girls don't get to pick from cute clothes. I just don't see how this weight is attractive, in any way. I had a melt down the minute I got home and watched Kas drive away. Seriously, I was putting clothes in the dryer and I just leaned over the machines and cried. I am not even sure what happened. When I finally looked up, Tucker was standing there staring at me in a weird state of stillness. I swear in that moment he knew I was upset. I went into the living room and sat with the dogs for a minute. They both licked the salty tears from my face and hands while I calmed my nerves. Overall, it was a traumatic and upsetting afternoon despite the wonderful company provided by Kasey. I just hated that it busted the bubble I had been living in since I realized I had lost some weight.

We were bad this weekend. Pizza...... It was horrible. The end.

In the Way

Today is Friday! The most exciting thing today was the fact that I got into the tanning bed again. All this obsessing over calories and such has made me excited to see more results and see how I look in clothes. Like I have said before, I haven't been able to really bust my butt like I should have this week for one reason or another. I need to jump start this crap pronto because my Dad's wedding is at the end of this month, then Easter follows that and everyone knows that in church one is truly on display. I hate that feeling. Everyone watching and waiting on me to make a wrong move or look increasingly fat as the service goes on. This is ridiculous and I am aware, but it is just how I feel.
I am excited to be looking for a new pair of shoes and getting some much needed color on my skin. I think being tan also gives the illusion of being thinner than you actually are. Hopefully through more workout and more tanning by the time the wedding arrives I will be in a better state of confidence. One can only hope.

I haven't been on the elliptical machine in three days. Kasey and Nathan are wanting to hang out tonight and I guarantee that I won't get to workout tonight either. I have got to train myself to get up in the morning and do a jog before my day gets in the way or my workouts. The only problem with that is, that I hate mornings...

Felt Badly But...

Unfortunately I was unable to hit the elliptical machine last night at all!

Becca peer pressured me into Sheridan's yesterday and it made me violently ill. I got about two minutes into the warm-up and boom. It hit me like a bus! I tried two more times to get through the much needed workout, but it just didn't happen. I felt badly for the rest of the night so I was unable to get that 35 minutes in. I guess eating mostly better for the past few weeks has turned my system against such horrible foods. I was really excited to hit it hard too because of the weight loss that I realized yesterday. I need to loose about 50 more pounds but the first 10 have been an uphill battle for sure. Now I just need to move forward, and not backward.

Keep myself motivated.
Myfitnesspal.com decreased my caloric intake on the website yesterday. Yikes! I had barely gotten used to eating less as it was, but here we go! Got to keep it going before the weather turns warmer. I desperately need to be skinnier.

See you tomorrow.

For Whatever Reason

Today for whatever reason I decided to get on the dreaded scale and braced myself for the disappointment. However, I was not upset at all when I noticed that I had actually lost a total of 9.5lbs since I started and I was so super excited. I just could barely believe that I have actually seen some progress!
Becca decided that in her last two weeks she would like to re-hash some of the great foods we have had. I have got to kick up the cardio again in order to maintain the weight loss success. Today we had Sheridan's. I recently discovered the Dirt & Worms and I can barely say no to that.

I am still battling my way through the C25K. I think that I love it! Every single day I log and watch what I eat. I told my aunt that in the near future I need to add P90X back into my routine. I am not completely looking forward to all that pain that is involved with all that.

Yesterday when I got home I just fell out. Basically, I needed to jog a bit and I REALLY needed to clean my house, but alas I did nothing. Today, when I get home I will immediately get my butt in gear on the elliptical machine and then vacuum all the damn dog hair up. I know that Jay will be thrilled! 

Hopefully I can post many more stories like today over and over again.