Anxiety Doused in Margarita

During the course of this weekend, my "sister-n-law", Kasey, asked to assist in my dreaded shopping trip. At first I drug my feet knowing that it would be difficult to go shopping with a skinny bitch, but Saturday afternoon I caved and decided I would go. She took me to Gordman's which is always a fun place to get jewelry, picture frames, shoes, and little purses. They do carry clothing, but I can never seem to fit into ANYTHING at all that is in there.
After the grueling anxiety that no one seems to understands was doused in Margaritas, we went on with the journey. I went straight to the dress pant section, grabbed a rather large size of pants, and headed to the dressing room where I broke out in hives after trying to get them on. You guessed it, they wouldn't zip up. I had took a breath, and yanked them off and basically ran out of the dressing room. When I looked up, Kasey was looking right at me saying something about the fact that she had been looking for me for a little while. She had an arm full of shirts and was super excited, but I was done and I told her so at that moment. I found one pair of earrings that I liked and that was the only thing purchased. Kasey drove us over to the mall and the overwhelming crowds of cars were daunting. I didn't want to go in. I think she finally realized that I was finished with this. Hopefully she wasn't too upset, but I think she have been. Who knows? I just couldn't handle it. All I kept thinking was the I wasn't getting anything accomplished, whether it be finding an outfit for a wedding/Easter or cleaning my house. The other blaring thought was that bigger girls don't get to pick from cute clothes. I just don't see how this weight is attractive, in any way. I had a melt down the minute I got home and watched Kas drive away. Seriously, I was putting clothes in the dryer and I just leaned over the machines and cried. I am not even sure what happened. When I finally looked up, Tucker was standing there staring at me in a weird state of stillness. I swear in that moment he knew I was upset. I went into the living room and sat with the dogs for a minute. They both licked the salty tears from my face and hands while I calmed my nerves. Overall, it was a traumatic and upsetting afternoon despite the wonderful company provided by Kasey. I just hated that it busted the bubble I had been living in since I realized I had lost some weight.

We were bad this weekend. Pizza...... It was horrible. The end.